Susie's Blog

I think Sydney is getting more and more expensive....Everytime I go to wolly to get grocery just for one or two people, it will cost me at least 100 dollars easily for nothing. Now I go to Aldi. This fridge full of food is costing me around 100. In Wolly it will be 200!! How come Sydney has such high cost living?! Sometimes i think if you don't actually earn Australian money in Australia, it's so hard to survive. Especially for the parents to earn money in Taiwan and send the kids to study in Sydney. In here my weekly expense for one person can be easily more than 500 dollars a week..this is only for bills, grocery, food and professional cost. Not including morgage or buying clothes or entertainment! Scary hey.

Tuesday is always the most relaxing day. I only teach 10 students today. So after three students in the morning from 7:00 am...the morning shift was ended by 8:30 am. Then I got Tallulah in the car driving her to school (she is a little blonde 8 year old English girl). The school is only 5 mins walk which is 30 seconds in the car. So I always told the mum that I could walk her to school and save her mum the trip to come back and pick her up. Tallulah was laughing today that "Susie how come we never walk? If it's too cold, you said we have to drive cause its freezing...if it's too hot then we have to drive too cause it's boiling?" Haha she has a point. We never walk. So I dropped her off, she gave me a kiss then I drove off to the Gym straightaway to catch the 9:30 am yoga class. Finish at 10:30 am I always had coffee with friends at the health club. Most of the time I went for a spa but today after coffee I just came home. Had light lunch at home then off to Aveda to do a facial at 1 pm. BY 2:30 pm I was home and hungry again. So I made a pizza and had another coffee. Kids started to come from 3:30 then today I finished at 7:00. Rushed the 15 year old Georgia to get out of the door cause I am going to Chatswood for a dinner with some friends. We had dumplings and after that we went to the Cafe to have ice cream. Back home it's 10:30 pm, after shower and I am here in bed writing diary. This is my Tuesday....

We went to balmoral beach for coffee and cake after lunch. There must be some festivals going on there cause there were heaps of people crowded like mad (i can't upload photos yet let me figure out how to do it later). The desserts here are really impeccable. So rich so strong. I love the western dessert. It's hardcore. Ah we also found out a new taiwanese bento place in Maroubra. Took at least 30 mins to drive there but gee the bento was big. Quite authentic too. As soon as we arrived sydney we went there for dinner. Call us real hot blood Taiwanese.

We went to see this documentary style movie called every little step. It's the audition process for the broadway production of A CHORUS LINE. That's a diffuclt musical cause all actors have to be able to sing act and dance all brilliantly. The audition process was amazing. Started with 3000 people down to the final 6. This movie was shown in the art theater at the rocks. This makes me want to go to New york to see broadway musical and also give me lots of good ideas to train my performers. Sometimes I think no matter how hard I learn to sing play act and dance it will never be enough. there is so much to learn.

I think my bro Richard will agree with me that I phone is really very addictive. I said it more than 100 times but it is! I clicked that facebook icon so many times a day. It's free anyway why not? I bought this Expense thing (forgot the name) for 6 oz dollars from apple store on i phone and i found it really was awesome. I started to record all expenses with it. Then each month I could see clearly where the expenses went, budget and etc. It's sooo good. I also bought this optus mobile usage for 2 dollars and it didn't even work!! kept saying my user name and password are not right!! I am really not happy. Maybe when my voice gets better I could call somewhere to do something (call Optus or call apple store?) Anyway I do everything with I phone i reckon my life will be so lost without it.

I have never staying in bed for such long time. So I tried to do things while staying in bed too because I just can't sleep for that long. Lucky I got this audio CD book called "The Firm". I always love to hear stories about lawyers. Their world is just so different from me and it absolutely fascinates me. Then meditation CD too so that I could learn to relax.  I have to cancelled nearly a week's work makes me think about my work direction too. I lost all these money in a week while not working. This is not good. What if one day I can't work anymore then that will be the end. But I can't think of what else to do too. Today I finally feel much better and able to control the cough so I went to the gym this evening for the yoga class. Yoga was good cause at that 75 mins session I didn't have to think that hard.

Today I drove back from Chatswood, suddenly passed castle cove. And I didn't know why my hands just turned the steerwheel and drove in. It was more than 10 years ago since I turned left to castle cove. It was more than 10 years ago when 10 of us were uni studentsand gathered together at Tom's house nearly every week. I couldn't believe that I could still follow the bearing and arriving in front of his old house. Wow. it must be 1995 when I was there last time. Tom's dad died. Tom's sister went to USA.Everyone has their own family and own lives and we never get together anymore. Today Tom is practically not a friend of any of us. I saw him with his wife and two kids last week in chatswood from far away and I wasn't sure if it's him because my good old friend looks so chubby and tired! Today I sat in my car looking at this house for 5 mins and it was raining outside. The house was sold long long time ago but it still looks just the same as before.  This house brings me so much memory and how we were before.  I don't feel that I have changed much but the world changes around me so dramatically.

Someone i knew passed away this morning from lung cancer. Only 8 weeks ago he found out that he has lung cancer and today he is gone. I live my life everyday as if i drop dead suddenly i will have no regret. Whatever I want to do and want to eat I will go and do it. I will also go out during weeknights without worrying that tomorrow I have to start working at 7 am. I tried not to worry that I am single and everyone else is not and feel very loaded with money even though it might not be the case in rich people's eyes. But what if i live till old age? Then I should have a family, have a house and have a big business that other people generate my income. And that's very sad indeed if comes to think about it. I can't find a guy i like or we both mutually like and i can't see any houses I want to buy, and I love the working style I have. But this is not going anywhere isn't it if I happen to live a long life? I feel sad that he passed away and I suddenly feel very sorry for myself.

My computer is so slow....i can't upload anything anymore...RThis time when I go back in July, it's necessary to get a new one for sure....

Talk about going back to Taiwan, I really don't want to go. The thought of going back depressed me as the day comes closer. I want to go to somewhere far far away.....like Sweden, Finland South of Spain or Argentina....far far away. Away from everything.

I think we are where we are supposed to be at this stage of our life no matter what the circumstances is. One thing I learn with age is not too chase what other people have all the time. Instead stop a sec and be very grateful of what you have. I used to get very jealous of what people have, whether its money, status and relationships and just think i never have enough. Now I think it's quite stupid. I have enough money to live in abundance. It's just in my state of mind. My status is high enough in my world. Everyday people pay me well enough to boss them around. I might not have one relationship that people think I should have, I would like to think myself a relative popular person in life. And most important of all, I leave all the people who ever try to make me feel like shit. I used to take shit and now I give the shit back to them. Maybe aging is not a bad thing, you learn to live life in a wiser way.

I didn't feel very well  these days. I think both physically and mentally I am exhausted. Went to bed pretty early for the past few days but still felt something is not quite right. Today is the first day of school holiday for the first time this year I slept past 7 am. 12:30 pm I woke up. Couldn't believe I am capable of sleeping that long. Thank God it's holiday....these few days I am going to learn how to do nothing. No gym, no work, no going out. Just take it easy.

I used to be a serial goal setter. Everything in life I set goals and stick them on my wall. Vision board, goal book and everything you can think of. I have them. Just like what all the how to be successful goal book teaches us to do. I have one interesting example to share though.

So many years I would like to have 60 students. I figure out that with 60 students everyweek that will give me a very solid income. Also that's the number that will keep me enough free time to keep on with a good life style. Just the right balance. But I didn't have that many. I started with 30 kids years ago. I would print out the whole weeks time table, put them into boxes. Write down the existing timeslot that already have students' names in. And circle the rest that I would like to have students. I work on filling in the boxes. Yes goal setting is useful but I add them on one year after another, 40 kids, 50 kids....I advertise. work hard, letter box drop, marketing and even have jobs in school. I chase the goal.

I build on more and more students but never quite reach 60. Last year I had enough. I quit the school job. I tear the paper down from my wall and couldn't give it a damn anymore. After reading "the new earth" I decide to take it one step at a time. i am just going to do my best with whatever I got. Not worry about advertising or chasing the goal. I put on a big showcase at the end of the year using all of my energy and brain cell and all profit went for the good cause for charity. All i think is to do well at that moment of time and follow where my talents leave me. Not thinking about money, first time in my goal chasing path. This year my student number is  way over 60. maybe 70 even. And the phone call comes in everyday. And i no longer want to count it anymore.

For so many years I also have a list of the man that I want in my life. The book says to do so and all relationship experts recommend it too. I tear the list and throw it to the bin. I will no longer be chasing a goal like that. Enjoy life -one -step- at a time.

My parents always said that no news is good news. I prefer to have good news than no news though. But these days i agree with them. Today one of my 16 year old student told me that she was very distressed to see the naked photo of her dad's woman on the computer. How do you answer to that?

I also found out that another uni friend of mine passed away in her sleep at age 34. No signs at all. Something wrong with the blood in the brain.

Then it's another friend's dad finding out he has advance lung cancer. He is only in his 50s. When I saw her early this week she was still happy chatting. Today is only Thursday. The report says that the dad has very serious lung cancer.

Life is very unpredictable isn't it.